9 weeks, 2 days - Happy Valentine's Day!

Oh man, I don't know where it came from but I suddenly got this insatiable craving for Gramma Marcia's cut out cookies.  It's probably because I was talking to my partner in cookie crime, Shirley, but I can hardly stand how much I want one.  A big, pink, heart-shaped cut out cookie.  Since I couldn't find my cookie cutters at Christmas, I have little hope that I'll find them now so we may end up with Valentine's Day feet, moons, and fish again.  Unfortunately, I don't want to make them.  I just want to eat them!  I really really want to eat them!  Blerg.  I wonder if there's anyone I can strong arm into making them for me... :)  Just kidding.  I think we'll likely have Valentine's Day circles but they can still be pink and delicious.  Mmm...

9 weeks, 0 days - Light at the end of the tunnel

I was home yesterday because of this crazy weather we're supposed to be getting: up to an inch of ice, snow, wind, and then lose power for days at a time.  So far, the trees are covered in a thin/beautiful layer of ice but I haven't been outside to check the ground.  The worst of it is supposed to be today.  Anyway, I was home yesterday and I just felt... normal.  Great.  I wasn't tired.  I wasn't sick.  Not once at any point.  I just had energy to keep going all day long.  Yes, I worked so it's not like I was unpacking boxes and doing active things all day, but I did unpack boxes and do laundry and play with Henry and make dinner all after working a full day.  I didn't even realize what a change from normal that was until 8:30 when I started getting ready for bed and noticed that I wasn't tired.  Then I got to thinking about it and realized what an AMAZING day I had!  I've got to tell you, if I have days like that, I'm going to be able to do this.  Monday was so bad that I was beginning to wonder if I could.  It's been so long since I've felt well that I was... well, I just wasn't sure I'd be strong enough to make it through another 32 weeks.   But yesterday.  Yesterday!  I'm hoping it's just a preview of the good things to come.  I'm back to not feeling particularly well today, though it's still nothing like Monday.  Monday was so bad that I wasn't sure I'd make it home from work.  Henry didn't get a nap that day and played really hard at Aunt Amy's house, so he was an exhausted disaster and literally SCREAMED from the time I tried to strap him into his car seat until about 15 minutes after I put him down.  He didn't eat dinner.  Wouldn't read a story.  I didn't even try to give him a bath or brush his teeth.  I felt so tired and nauseous and had such a headache that I basically put him to bed and then fell into bed myself.  As I was laying there, I came close to crying wondering what I'd do if this is what the next 32 weeks would be like.  How could I go on?  And then, I got the beautiful gift of yesterday.  As if just to show me that it's not always going to be like this.  I really needed it.  It's funny because I would have thought that I'd be more confident about how things were likely to go after having been pregnant once before, but I wasn't ever this sick with Henry so I was just starting to worry that it would never end.  I super hope it does.  My friend, Simi, told me that she never really got badly sick, just felt like she had a constant hangover for the entire 9 months.  Since I haven't thrown up once, I was thinking maybe that's what I was experiencing, but if that was the case, I don't think I'd have it in me to make it through.  But again, then I got yesterday.  It's funny how, after you've been so sick for awhile that you kind of forget what it feels like to be well.  I'd forgotten what it was like to want to make dinner.  Or have the energy to unpack a box that I didn't FORCE myself to unpack.  Or to do laundry without feeling like crying.  I simply cannot wait for more days like that.  Cannot wait.

You know, come to think of it, Holly told me that when she lets herself get too tired, her symptoms were way way worse.  I was absolutely exhausted on Monday so I went to be at like 7:30 and then, because of the weather, I didn't have to go in so I got to sleep until 8:30.  So maybe Monday happened because I got too tired and then Tuesday happened because I got so much sleep.  I would like to figure out the formula to make Tuesdays happen more frequently and to avoid Mondays all together.  We'll see if I can figure it out.  Oh, also, I ate an entire box of cookies and 1/2 a pork loin.  Ha!  One of the downsides of feeling better may be that I gain WAY more weight than I'm supposed to.  But I was just so hungry!! :)

8 weeks, 6 days - "Maybe you're pregnant..." whaaa???!!!

I was in the break room the other day, making a cup of tea and a coworker approached me to ask what I was doing.  We had some tea small talk about what kind and if I like it, you know the drill.  Then he asked if I was pregnant.  What?!  I laughed and he smiled then said, "no, I'm serious."  He's been giving me a hard time about it since.  This was last week and he was back on it yesterday.  I get up at 5 am to go to work and am very tired by the time I'm there so he's decided that's because I'm pregnant.  And I'm drinking tea because I'm pregnant.  And what else... I can't remember, but he's been hitting it hard.  I think he's kidding but I kind of want to tell him just so that he'll stop going on and on about it.  During meetings.  In the hall.  Goodness.  I'm confident I don't look pregnant.  I haven't gained any weight and I'm pretty sure there's no "glowing" going on.  It's just... funny.

8 weeks and 5 days - Just more of the same

Remember the crippling TWO inches of snow we got a couple of weeks ago?  Well, they're calling for it again.  Except this time, it's supposed to include ice.  Ugh.  We've got a winter storm watch starting tonight at 7 and ending on Thursday at 7 am.  The worst of it is supposed to be on Tuesday night.  So what do I do?  Tuesdays are my big meeting days and we have our big, important, bi-weekly "PMO" meeting tomorrow until 5.  Hmm... watch the weather, I guess and make sure that I have a good roadside assistant kit.  My friend, Kevin, who was stuck on the road for 23 hours last time decided that, while his kit was good, he didn't have the materials he'd need to deliver a child in case it came up, so he's rethinking his packing.  Ha!  There's a true boy scout.  He really said that.  No foolin.

As planned, I went back in on Friday to have my blood drawn.  I saw the same nurse and, like on the phone, she told me that my results reassured her and that she felt like things were going to be fine.  So I'm waiting on the results of that blood draw to make sure that the numbers aren't going down.  I guess they don't need to go up at this point, but they shouldn't be going down.  I'm REALLY glad I went in because I've still been having quite a bit of spotting and even MORE cramping than I'd been having so if I hadn't, I think I'd be freaking out.  I'm still a little anxious, so I'll look forward to her call telling me unequivocally that things seem to be ok.  She stuck me funny, though.  I remember that my mom gave blood once and afterward, she had a lot of pain in her arm that lingered for a long time.  That's what happened to me this time.  Mine isn't nearly as bad as hers was, but I had and continue to have pain not only in the spot where she stuck me, but radiating up and down my arm.  On Friday and Saturday, my arm was weak and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to hold Henry.  I was and it was fine, but it's a very interesting sensation.  They must have hit a nerve or something.  I'm not sure what happened but it was weird and I hope it doesn't happen again.

One week until my ultrasound.  It cannot come soon enough for this mama.
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UPDATE:  The doctor's office just called.  My numbers went up, not by much but they did go up a little bit.  She said that I'm far enough along at this point and my numbers are already so high that they don't expect them to go up by much.  So we should be clear.  Thank goodness.  So, on to see a heartbeat next week!!  Woo-hoo!!

8 weeks, 1 day - Initial test results

The nurse I spoke with at my doctor's office yesterday just called.  She got my numbers back. Apparently, they look great and, while she still wants me to come in tomorrow to make sure they're going up instead of down, she said she's very very reassured.  My progesterone is high average for this point and my HCG level is dead center of where they want it to be for 8-9 weeks.  Sooo... hooray!  Great news!  We're not totally out of the woods, but it gave me enough reassurance to stop worrying.  :D :D

8 weeks, 0 days - kidney beans and raspberries

Eight weeks today!  Depending on the site you use, baby P is either the size of a kidney bean or a raspberry. A week and half left until our ultrasound.  I'm still nervous and worried because I'm regularly having light cramping and spotting.  The spotting is never heavy and the cramping is never painful, but it's still so upsetting and nerve racking.  I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst while staying positive.  I think I'll call the doctor.

Aside from that, though, I think I've found the charm.  I was reading back through my old blog and saw that last time, if I kept something on my stomach at all times, I didn't get sick.  So I tried it.  And lo and behold, I felt good.  So, I've started eating 1/2 a cracker every 2 hours.  It keeps something on my tummy and is super manageable throughout the entire work day.  No matter how busy I am, I can slip away and jam a cracker in my mouth.  And for the record, my crackers are the size of graham crackers so 1/2 of them is still a decent sized snack.  Bigger than a saltine.  Anyway, hooray for feeling better!
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UPDATE: I did end up calling the doctor and was able to talk to the same triage nurse as last time. She was a bit incredulous that I was still spotting and cramping but only called back today. I reemphasized how truly inconvenient it is for me to get in there. Anyway, she recommended that I come in for blood work because my appointment is still a week and a half away and, as she so rightly put it, that's an awfully long time to worry. So I did. She'll call if my results are in before I go back on Friday but otherwise, I'm to come in on Friday at 1:30 to have more blood work done. They'll compare my hcg levels between the two to make sure they're rising enough. She'll also look at my progesterone level to make sure it's high enough. So. That's where I'm at. If my levels aren't rising enough, they'll have to take a look or something so maybe I'll go in sooner. Who's to say?  If they are rising enough, then it's just a way to ease my mind. Either way, it should be good that I went in. I just wish I wasn't still spotting. It's been almost a month and it's been pretty consistent with both the spotting and cramping. :(

7 weeks, 5 days - Moving on up!

Well, it's official!  We live in Newnan, GA.  In our giant, echoy, cavernous house.  It's funny that I didn't think it was giant or cavernous before we moved in but the bedroom felt very different last night when I trying to sleep in it and the living room felt very large yesterday when Matt was coming in from the foyer and my bathroom felt ridiculously large this morning as I was getting ready for work.  It still doesn't seem real.  It still feels like we're sleeping over at someone else's house.  Maybe it's because I don't know where anything is or that living out of boxes feels like living out of a suitcase and I just had to make do (or is it due?... I've never thought about that before) with what I could find.  I'm sure as we unpack and stay there longer, it will get to feeling more and more like our own.  But for now, it feels like we're squatting in someone else's house.

As far as baby news goes, I'm still spotting.  Not sure whether or not to call the doctor back.  I'm beginning to think it happens most when I've over done it a bit.  I probably won't call the doctor.  Maybe I should.  Ugh.  I just wish I had my appointment sooner.  I'll be 8 weeks on Wednesday but my appointment isn't until two weeks from today.  Also, I don't know if it's because I don't remember well the early days of being pregnant with Henry, because now that I have Henry, I can't just do whatever I want whenever I want, or because these symptoms are genuinely worse, but I just... I can't believe how I'm feeling these days.  I'm SOOO tired, it's nearly indescribable.  I get a little tired of hearing how exhausted I look.  I feel sick pretty much all the time.  Sometimes it's nausea but mostly, it's just gross.  Like a hang over.  I get really winded and short of breath after doing things like going up a flight of stairs.  I have to rest at the top frequently.  Just bizarre.  None of it actually is bizarre; they're all very normal pregnancy symptoms, but I just don't remember any of it with Henry aside from some mild nausea.  Oh, and I have a stuffy nose all the time.  Why is THAT a pregnancy symptom?  So weird.  This pregnancy may end up being a lot more like a normal pregnancy than Henry's was.  I felt like I missed out on stuff with his because it was so easy, I gained so little weight, and I never got very big.  I sure would like to stop feeling so yucky, though.  Blerg.  I took a nap when I got to work this morning because I was afraid I was going to fall asleep on the way here.  It took me an hour and fifteen minutes to an hour and a half to get here this morning and let me tell you, it was a STRUGGLE.  I made it and I'm safe and sound, but I'm just so tired that I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day.  If only I had an office, I'd shut the door and take a 5 minute nap every hour.  Hopefully, once things get going, I'll wake up and be fine.  Otherwise, it's going to be a looooong day...