Tuesday, September 16, 2014

39 weeks, 6 days - Last Man Standing

Derek (and his wife) had their baby yesterday evening.  At home.  They did a home birth.  Eew!  But it went great and they had a little girl and everyone looks happy and healthy.  Zero part of me wants to do a home birth, but Derek posted a picture of his wife sleeping in their bed with the new baby and I did get a little pang of wistfulness, thinking how much more comfortable that looked than a hospital bed.  But c'est la vie.  I'm not comfortable with the idea of a home birth.  Anyway, that leaves just us.  Everyone else I knew who was pregnant and due around our time or before has already had their baby!  I know of a few more due a month or more after us but we're the only ones left that I knew of in September or earlier.  Crazy.  Due date is tomorrow.  Bizarre.  I'm having lots of weird pains but nothing that I think is impending labor.  Just baby squirming around and hitting nerves.  Derek's due date was on Saturday and they delivered yesterday, so I guess two days after.  If we went two days after, that would put us on Friday.  If we're going late, I really would like that autumnal baby.  So at this point, I guess I'm hoping for Sunday... but we'll take you whenever you come, little one.

Oh goodness.  I've had absolutely the worst dreams the past two nights in a row.  I dreamed that the baby was still born.  Yesterday, I had a minor panic attack because I kept thinking that I couldn't feel baby moving so maybe my dream was coming true.  But it wasn't.  I laid down with a cold drink and sure enough, baby moved more than 10 times in about 10 minutes, let alone an hour.  So all is fine.  But I had the dream again last night and this time, it was even worse. I'd gone to the appointment alone so it was up to me to tell everyone.  Including Matt.  I woke up absolutely sobbing then I couldn't get control of myself and I couldn't go back to sleep.  I was up from 12:30 until about 5:30 because I was too afraid to go back to sleep.  It was just awful.  Baby has been super super active so I know that it's just an over-active imagination but even so, it was just so scary and sad and terrible.

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