20 weeks, 0 days - Half way there!

Holy Moses, I can't believe we're 1/2 way there!  Give or take a week or two, of course.  According to BabyCenter, Baby is about the length of a banana now (10.5 oz and 6.5 inches long).  LillyPie says 10.5 inches and 13 oz.  So I guess therein lies our margin of error?  According to BabyCenter, here's what our nugget looks like right now:

Sure looks like a baby now, no?  And we'll see even better tomorrow since it's our ultrasound day!!!  I'm a little nervous about it.  I spoke with Holly and she told me that she also did her anatomy scan with a perinatologist but that she HATED the visit.  She said that those doctors are very risk averse and are doing whatever they can to reduce the amount of risk, but that their priorities may not be in line with ours.  For example, they told her that her child was at 1/600 risk of having Down Syndrome (because of Holly's advanced maternal age...<sigh>) and that they'd recommend an amniocentesis.  Holly, being a doctor, knows that the risk of miscarriage that comes with an amnio is 1/200 so she was absolutely not going to do that.  So basically, to that doctor, the higher risk of miscarriage is preferable to the risk of having a Downs baby.  Different priorities.  Anyway, Holl told me to look at the ultrasound, watch my baby move around, adore the pics we get from it but try not to listen to anything the doc says.  I have an appointment with Dr. Lawson immediately after so I'm hoping that, if this doc says something to upset me, she'll be able to talk me back down.  I'm so excited but pretty nervous.

I'm also still on the "too much weight gain" trend.  I'm hoping I can slow it down here pretty soon.  Now that I'm in the period where you're supposed to be gaining a lot of weight, I'm hoping that I can continue to gain but just do it more slowly.  I gained almost 4 lbs since my last appointment.  Which was 2 weeks ago.  I'm hoping that was a fluke weight and that tomorrow when I weigh myself, it's only 2 lbs or something.  Two lbs would put me at the VERY top of the healthy weight gain amount, so I'm hoping that's what it's going to look like tomorrow.  Blerg.  I hate worrying about this.

But in fun news, baby is moving up a storm!  Matt was able to feel him/her move last week and everything is starting to seem much more real.  I still can't believe we're going to have a baby in 20 or so weeks.  I'm sure I'll be ready by then but as of now, I'm still kind of freaking out about how much stuff we need to do before he/she gets here.  Just like I was last time with the move and buying the car.  Now it's getting Henry's new room ready and getting him potty trained.  Ugh.  Not looking forward to that.  I mean, obviously, I'm looking forward to him BEING potty trained.  I just have no idea how to potty train a child and I'm so nervous that it's not going to go well.  Oh well.  We'll get there in the end.  

19 weeks, 5 days - Belly pic!

So, this is actually from a few days ago... Friday maybe?  I don't remember which day I took it.  But anyway, it's probably representative of how I look today.  I don't know where this belly came from.  I swear it wasn't there one moment and then just all of a sudden, it was!  So wild.

I officially am out of normal sized clothes now.  I'd been threatening it for a bit, but I wore my belly band over to Grandma's and Grandpa's yesterday as I was too girthsome to button my pants.  I need to sort through all the clothes Aunt Allie sent me and organize what I can wear to work and what's just casual so I don't need to wear the same three dresses for the rest of my pregnancy.  

Aside from that, all is well.  I'm taking my UTI medicine and the bruise on my head is healing.  Aside from a few headaches and some heavy exhaustion, all has been well since Wednesday.  I saw pics come back from Easter and I feel a little sad about them.  Amy's and Andrew's families had some lovely family photos taken.  We didn't which is fine, but I just... we just don't have pics of my family.  And it makes me so sad.  It's our own fault, I know.  Both Matt and I hate the way we look in photos.  I saw myself in some of the Easter pics and it made me want to cry and never step in front of a camera again.  That's really not the image I see in front of the mirror.  I don't know what happens between the mirror and the camera but I just feel so sad about it.  I see these beautiful families and their beautiful family pics and I just don't have a single one of my family.  I really really wanted to and tried to get photos taken before we moved into our new house, thinking that maybe a professional would be able to catch both me and Matt at a time when we're both not looking too wonky, but that didn't work either.  Maybe once new baby comes we'll take some family pics.  In the mean time, I'll have to consciously work on not being so ugly all the time.  I wonder if it's because I have to dress up and do my hair and make up every day for work so when I have to do it on weekends, I kind of... well, don't put any time or thought into it?  I don't know.  I just know that I looked like a fat, ugly mess in those Easter pics and everyone else looked so lovely.  And it wasn't even my belly that looked fat.  It was my legs.  It all just made me so very sad.

19 weeks, 2 days - The ER

Ugh.  I had the delightful experience of spending my day in the stupid Emergency Room yesterday.  My OB called me back yesterday morning to check on me and find out how I fared at the ER after fainting.  When I admitted that I hadn't gone, she was none too pleased and encouraged me to go in immediately.  I told her that I didn't have any more symptoms and that I was fine but she said she was worried about internal bleeding, if not a concussion.  Blah.

I thought about it a lot and thought about what I'd say to Amy or Sheri if one of them told me the same story and how disappointed I'd be in one of them if they didn't go.  So I went.  Against my better judgement and against my wishes, I went.  And it took forever and it was stupid and they didn't even do a CT scan because I'm pregnant and she thought the risk of the radiation would be greater than the risk of a concussion or internal bleeding based on my symptoms so they drew blood, ran a thousand tests, and let me sit there for four hours.  In the end, everything is fine, but I do have a UTI.  And I guess it's good that they found that.   I mean, I'm sure they would have found it at one of my OB appointments because I pee in a cup for every one of those.  But whatever.  It's good that they found it sooner rather than later.

In the end, it was probably good that I went.  The ER doc was actually really really great.  I kind of wish she wasn't an ER doc and was just in internal medicine.  I liked her a lot a lot.  I might follow her career to see if i can ever see her in another capacity.  I really liked her.  And the facility was nice.  And we feel confident that there's nothing wrong with my head so that was worth it in and of itself, I guess.  We never really go to the bottom of why I fainted, as my blood work came back perfect, but she suspected it was because of the severe stomach pains I was having.  I told her that I'd never fainted from pain before, but she said everything is different when  you're pregnant and everything is different with every pregnancy so just because it happened before, doesn't mean it will happen again and just because it didn't happen before, doesn't mean it won't happen again.  Goodness.

In the mean time, I'm very sore.  Aside from the very sensitive bruise on my head, I'm finding bumps and scrapes and bruises that I didn't notice before.  I have a bruise on my chin.  And one on my arm.  And my joints are very sore.  I'm just kind of all over achy and I have a killer headache pretty much all the time.  So.  I guess this is my excuse not to eat vegetables, eh?  Blimey.

19 weeks, 1 day - "You feinted?" "No, no, I FAINTED."

Yeah, so among the things I've done during this pregnancy that aren't exactly what one would call "recommended" is faint and whack my head on the floor hard enough to maybe have given myself a concussion.  So that's neat.  Not sure what happened but it was awfully scary.

Raw vegetables have been turning my stomach these days so I've generally been avoiding them, but yesterday, I was feeling hungry and great and there was no good soup in the cafeteria so I got a salad.  It was just fine.  But about 2 hours later, I started to get this terrible stomach ache.  Terrible terrible terrible.  I went into the bathroom and tried to go then tried to throw up, but nothing worked.  I went back to my desk and sat down for a few minutes and realized it was too bad to just sit there, that I was going to have to do something so I decided to go check the first aid kit to see if there were any Tums or Rolaids or other tummy things in there.  The walk is about 200 yards from my desk so it's not exactly close.  By the time I got there, I was feeling dizzy and woozy and, while I was standing in front of it, my vision started going dark.  "Uh oh, I better sit down..." I thought to myself.  So I sat down at the table in there with my head in my hands because the room was sort of spinning by this point and... the next thing I knew, I was having this funny dream and I felt so good and comfortable.  I was nice and cool and my tummy didn't hurt anymore and... I was on the floor.  Holy crap!  I got up quickly -- which, for the record was not a good idea -- and tried to get quickly back to my desk.  I have to think I wasn't on the floor very long because it was in the break room and people are in and out of there all the time.  If I was there for even a minute, I think someone would have found me.

Anyway, I wasn't able to make it back to my desk, so I stopped off at my friend, Kevin's desk to rest.  Apparently, I did not look good because he and all the folks who sit around him freaked out.  Kevin wanted to lay me down on the floor with my feet up, but he settled for getting me some water and some ice for the bump on my head, which by this point, was KILLING.  He kept pointing to and calling out this scrape on my arm but all I could think about was the fact that I couldn't see anything with all these flashing lights in my vision and how frigging BAD my head hurt.  I must have hit it HARD when I fell.  I was dizzy and spacy and nauseous and couldn't see and, I guess, SUPER pale.  Kevin said my skin and lips were completely grey and, judging by how he was speaking to me, he was super worried.  He walked me back to my desk where I tried to call Matt but he didn't answer.  So I called Dr. Lawson's office and explained what happened.  She wasn't at all worried about the baby but was very concerned about my head and my symptoms.  She wanted me to go straight to the ER.  Liz, the lady in the cube next to me, heard me on the phone and came over to check on me and just kind of stopped and stared, stunned.  I must have looked really disturbing because she was really freaked out.  She offered to drive me to the ER about 6 times and when I explained that I really wanted to wait for Matt, she printed out directions so we wouldn't have to rely on our GPS.  (I couldn't remember that word and kept calling it GCPS -- which stands for Gwinnett County Public Schools -- and I think that may be part of what upset her so much, that I seemed so confused and out of it).

I took me awhile to get a hold of Matt and in the mean time, several more people offered to drive me to the ER.  By the time I did get a hold of him, both Kevin and Liz told me that my color looked much better and I was feeling a lot better myself.  I didn't feel as nauseous anymore and I had stopped sweating and my vision had started to clear.  Kevin helped me pack and and sat with me out in front of the building while I waited for Matt, just to be sure I didn't pass out again.  I told him that even if I did, someone would find me but he was worried that if someone did find me, they'd call 911 then I wouldn't be there when poor Matt arrived and then Matt, who was already freaked out, would probably freak out even more.  It ended up taking Matt several hours to get there due to a number of factors, so by the time he was there, I felt fine except for the bump on my head.  So I decided not to go to the ER.  I was quite confident I didn't have a concussion by that point and I didn't want to sit for hours in the stupid ER and spend the hundreds of dollars it would take just to check in let alone get seen, get treated, and have tests run.  So we came home.  I was very tired.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to sleep well because of this stupid bump on my head.  It's in exactly the wrong spot to lay my head down any way except on my right side and I just can't sleep all night long in the same position.  So I woke up a lot.  But I got through and there's no bump on my head this morning, just a very  sensitive bruise.

So I have that experience now.  :)

19 weeks, 0 days - telling work

Well, I know I pronounced that I wasn't going to tell them until I was about 6 months along, but it recently surfaced that they're looking to do a new project contract and they're starting to do that now.  I didn't think it was very fair to let them write me into a contract when I knew full well that I had no intention of being here past September.  I was very worried that they would roll me off the project when this contract is up on 6/30 and that I'd get laid off because nobody would want to pick me up for another project when they knew I was going to go on maternity leave in a couple of months.  But, in the end, I decided that I needed to trust my gut and tell them.  Besides, BabyCenter said that you should tell your boss as soon as you're comfortable but that you should really let them know by the time you're 14-20 weeks along.  Add that to the fact that my pants were so tight yesterday that I had trouble breathing and... well, I figured that it was only a matter of time before they noticed on their own and I surely wanted to tell them before that happened.

Anyway, I told them and they were sweet and excited for me.  I told them that I would not be continuing this commute after I come back from maternity leave.  They both told me that there wouldn't really be a working remote spot for me here (no surprise there) but that there should be plenty of opportunities downtown and maybe south of the city that I could be a part of.  Not to mention remote work.  So we'll see.  I'm not going to spread the word to the rest of the team or the client for a bit yet.  I'd like to figure out what the succession plan is for my role and what they're planning for the future of the project before I make the announcement because I'm sure people will ask.

One super awesome thing that came out of it was that both Heather and Bob told me that they had been considering me as Bob's replacement as Delivery Executive.  DELIVERY EXECUTIVE!!  That's an executive position!  Holy smokes!  I know the role would be different that what he's doing, pared down a bit since the contract is changing but still!  That's about the most flattering thing I could imagine someone saying to me.  I'm just so flabberghasted that they even considered me for that role I hardly know what to say.  How exciting!  It obviously won't happen now but still, really really awesome and exciting.  I'm glad they told me.  :D

I'll take a belly pic tonight.  It still doesn't look like much but since I'm in my fattest clothes and they're feeling tight, I'm for sure growing growing growing!  Almost out of normal human clothes!!  Getting real!

18 weeks, 5 days - Buh-bum, buh-bum, buh-bum

Well, the old wives would support Grandpa's wish to have another granddaughter!  Baby's heart rate was 154 and, if you have kept up with what the old wives say, that points to a girl.  The theory is that if the heart rate is above 140, then it's a girl; below 140 is a boy.  Obviously, that's just an old wives tale, but I think it's so fun to watch things like that.  Dr. Lawson took a VERY long time determining the heart beat.  I didn't ask her why, but I'm wondering if it was because she was checking to confirm there was only one.  As I said before, my fundal height is higher than expected for this point so she was likely worried they'd missed something the first time around.

I'm scheduled for an appointment with a perinatologist to do the anatomy scan in a couple of weeks.  For those of you who don't know, that means a high risk baby doctor.  I don't much like that.  She said it would take something like 1.5 hours to do.  I looked it up online and they said that when you do the anatomy scan with a perinatologist, there are a lot more measurements that they do.  I didn't ask my doc about it, but I'm assuming it's because of my advanced maternal age.  I know that in the end, it's just more scans and will ensure all is ok, but I declined the genetic testing for a reason.  All the extra scans and measurements to make sure all is ok is just like doing the genetic testing, as far as I'm concerned.  I just don't like it.

But, having said that, we're getting the ultrasound on 5/1!  That'll be fun.  I loved seeing pics of baby Henry and I think it'll be so delightful to see pics of Baby "the next."  I wonder how big he/she is.  I wonder if we'll notice that he/she looks any different.  With Henry, we weren't ever able to see a profile because he was hiding his head.  So we got some cool shots of him doing a somersault.  I wonder what we'll end up with for this babe.  Can't wait.

18 weeks, 0 days - How big's the baby?

Seriously guys, get it together.  Baby Center tells me that Bump is approximately 5.5 inches long and weighs almost 7 oz.  That's about the size of a bell pepper.  Lillypie (the ticker that we use on this blog) says that Bump is a whopping 10 inches and the size of a papaya.  I get that every baby is different and that they'll all grow differently... oh wait.  Ha!  I figured it out.  Der.  Baby Center is still doing a crown-to-rump measurement while Lilly pie is doing head to toe.  Ha!  Angry pregnant Manda does it again.  Hahaha oh bother.  I just get so mad about stuff.  Poor everyone around me. Hahaha!

So.  18 weeks.  I simply cannot believe it.  I checked on Henry's blog and saw that I started needing the belly band at 19 weeks.  Today, at 18 weeks, I still fit into my pants but they're wicked tight.  I have to think that next week, I may not be able to button them.  Wild, eh?  It's almost exactly the same.  And the whole tall fundus thing I mentioned in an earlier post?  I mean, it's really about exactly the same as it was with Henry.  I even felt movement on the outside of my tummy this morning and, as documented in Henry's blog, Matt first felt it at about 18.5 weeks.  I just think it's so crazy how much the same this trimester is when it was so vastly different in the first trimester.  I mean, I actually thought I might be having twins during the first trimester because it was so much harder but now... well, I'm all, "been there, done that, I'm a pro."  Ha!  This really is a cool part of pregnancy.  Popping belly.  Movement.  Ultrasounds that look more like humans than featureless blobs of bizarrity.  Very exciting few weeks.  I'm really excited for my dr. apt. on Friday.  I wish we were getting an ultrasound and, since we're not, I'm sure it's going to be disappointing.  I mean, it should just be a standard, "how are you feeling?" "pee in this cup," "you weigh this much and your blood pressure is x," "baby's heartrate is y," done.  But, I'll probably also get scheduled for my ultrasound and I'm just so frigging excited about that.  It's funny that, as a "high risk" pregnancy, I've had far fewer dr. appointments than I did with Henry.  I expected a ton more but I'm looking forward to these ones a lot more than I did with the Henry ones.  I just can't wait!

17 weeks, 6 days - TIGHT pants...

Hotpants Pieper?  More like TIGHTpants Pieper.  Seriously, when did this happen?  I swear this was not the case last week when I took my belly pic but today, my pants are TIGHT.  I didn't end up changing them because I was being too lazy to figure out what else to wear but holy moses, this little nugget is squashed in today!  Looks like it's time for the belly band!  That's very exciting.  Having a belly makes things seem so real and will make me so much less insecure about my body.  I still don't really see it but my goodness, do I feel it!  I really don't know what happened.  It's like it was just over night and boom!  Belly.  Nuts.

Also, baby is doing some crazy dances.  I have to think that we'll be able to feel her/him on the outside before too long.  These jigs are getting wilder and wilder so there will have to be something from the outside pretty soon.  Hooray hooray hooray!  Babies babies babies!

Also, I might end up telling a few folks at work sooner than I meant to.  There's a conference in July that they're trying to get a head count on and they really want me to go.  I really don't want to go.  So I'm thinking that I tell them I'm going to be rolling off in September and why I will be and maybe they won't make me go.  I won't tell the broader public for a bit yet, but I might end up telling my bosses in the next few weeks.  Then, I believe, things will really feel real.  So crazy.  :D :D

17 weeks, 5 days - Bumps and hormones

I think it's official: I've got a bump.  I'm a little surprised since it's only been 5 days since I took the other photo but two different people said something about my "gut" or my "pooch" -- completely unsolicited -- on Saturday and then on Sunday, the pants I was wearing were decidedly snug.  Not quite uncomfortable but not exactly comfortable, either.  I think I'm probably ready for the belly band on my regular pants.  And that's kind of exciting.  :)  Baby's still doing Irish jig's in my tummy and that's really exciting.  Matt and I were talking yesterday and it's hard to remember sometimes that at the end of this, there's going to be a baby.  So far, we've been so focused on me and how I'm feeling or what I'm doing or what I'm going to be able to do or how it will affect Henry that we've kind of ignored the fact that there will be a new BABY in our lives in just 5 or so months!  So crazy.

I'm also a bit... um... hormonal shall we say?  I had a nice little freak out on poor Aunt Amy this weekend at the Atlanta Dogwood Festival after she very innocently teased me about something that normally would have been totally fine.  Poor Aunt Amy looked startled then shocked and stunned.  She apologized like 3 times but I think she still feels really bad and I feel awful because again, I KNOW it was totally innocent and it was just me being a crazy, hormonal, over-emotional pregnant woman.  Oops.  I apologized for over reacting, but I think I hurt her feelings a little bit.  Poor Aunt Amy.  But aside from that, we had a great time at the Dogwood festival this weekend.  Uncle Andrew and Aunt Allie brought baby Lex and Aunt Amy brought Carter and we all just kind of strolled around and ate and drank and chatted.  It was gorgeous weather, great to be outside, and nice to be there.  Really really nice festival.  We parked and rode the MARTA from CNN, and both Henry and Carter seemed to really enjoy riding on the choo-choo.  Super cute.

Next doctor appointment on Friday.  I'm super nervous.  REALLY hope she doesn't tell me I've gained too much weight.  The good news is that I haven't gained any more since I last weighed myself so I'm hoping it was one of those situations where I gained a whole bunch at once then I stay at the same place for awhile.  At least until I'm back within the normal weight gain range.  I wonder when they'll schedule my next ultrasound... Normally it would be 4 weeks from this appointment, but normally, this appointment would have been 2 weeks ago so... I just don't know.  I can't wait to see how Baby has grown and developed since our teddy bear photos!

17 weeks, 1 day - Belly pic!

So I've for sure got a thickening waist, though that might have more to do with the delicious foods in Austin than the little flutter-by, fluttering away in my belly.

I mean, I'm for sure getting fatter, though it doesn't look much like my belly is growing, does it?  I didn't take a 17 week photo with Henry so I don't have a compare to do.  

As suggested above, little bump is moving and grooving.  I feel him/her frequently, mostly in the evening around the time I go pick up Henry from Aunt Amy's.  Moving, moving, moving.  I wish I could remember how much Henry moved.  I don't think I felt him this early, but it's bizarre to me to imagine I wouldn't have figured out that this was a baby moving.  Baby is moving A TON.  How could I have mistaken this for gas or something?  Crazy.  I'll have to read back my Henry blog to see when I noticed.

Ha, I just checked it out.  Apparently, I first felt movement at 17 weeks, 5 days.  At least I'm consistent!  Next Dr. appointment is a week from tomorrow.  I think they'll schedule me for my 20 week ultrasound at this next appointment which is SOO exciting.  We've decided unequivocally that we will not find out the gender, so it'll just be a fun day to look at pics.  

Oh! Also, I've noticed that my uterus feels bigger than it's supposed to at this point.  I just looked back at my old blog and found that it was like that with Henry, too.  I wonder if that's why I'm not really showing and wasn't last time, either.  Maybe it just grows tall instead of out?  Very interesting.  I wonder if Dr. Lawson will say anything about it like Dr. Elliot did.  Crazy.  

17 weeks, 0 days - Turnips, Mangoes, and Texas...?

So, little baby, depending on which site you believe, you're either 5 oz and 5" long (about the size of a turnip) or 7 oz and 6" long (about the size of a mango).  Either way, I feel  you doing a jig in my tummy quite frequently now.  I keep hoping to feel it from the outside so your daddy can feel it too, but not quite yet.  I do wonder when that will happen.  I suppose I should take a belly pic one of these days, though I still don't have one to speak of yet.

We spent the past weekend in Austin, TX for Matt's birthday.  Austin.  Is.  Awesome.  It was just... awesome.  For the first time in my entire life, I felt like I really fit somewhere.  Everyone who walked past us was dressed just like I was or could have chosen their outfits from my closet.  The girls did their hair in the same kind of braids and messy pony tails that I do.  The restaurants we ate at were all farm to table and I didn't have to explain what gluten free meant to a single person.  We got stuck in a heavy metal bar during a huge thunderstorm and the owner -- a middle-aged British man -- just loved us so much that he served me hot tea because I was pregnant and looked cold.  For the record, tea is not on their menu.  They didn't even have tea cups.  He pulled some tea bags out of his personal bag and made it for me in a couple of high ball glasses (one for the hot water and one for me to pour it into once it was brewed so I could hold it as high ball glasses aren't really meant for hot drinks).  Really genuinely nice people who seemed to like and find important the same things that I do.  The preschool on the main road, which served 18 months to 6 years, was a Spanish immersion school and had the most elaborate, cool train set I've ever seen.  The houses in the neighborhoods were lovely and quaint and had yards filled with herbs and wild flowers and gnarly trees.  I was just charmed and enchanted in a way that I'm not sure I've ever been with another city.  Anyone who knows me knows that I loved DC.  LOVE.  But I had some problems with the amount of money that flowed around there and the obscene cost of living.  Austin had similar charm and attributes to DC but without the obscene wealth or cost of living.  All of our meals, save Matt's birthday dinner, were under $50.  And we didn't hold back.  It was just... awesome.  There was a natural baby store that had lots of cloth diapers and cloth diapering accessories.  I bought Henry a wool diaper cover for the day time (he has a thick one for overnight but not one to wear during the day).  I just loved it so much.  It... aah.... I just don't have words to describe it.  Matt took lots of pics of his delicious foods so I'll post those when he sends them to me.  We had an absolutely stellar time.

I got a little over tired because we walked absolutely everywhere.  I'm not sure how recommended it is for pregnant women to walk 7 miles each day, but I can't think it's particularly bad for you either.  My feet really hurt and I started to feel a little sick a few times and we for sure had to stop so I could sit down a number of times, but over all, it was really wonderful.  Just love love loved that city.  Made it awfully hard to come back.  But then we remembered that sweet little red-headed boy and there was no question.

I guess he had a really great time at Aunt Amy's house.  He's playing hard and rough housing with his cousins these days.  He sleeps very well after he plays with them.  I get a little sad knowing that I can't give him the amount of exercise he gets over there, but then I remember that I'm giving him a little bro or sis to play with so he'll have his own baby to rough house with in a couple of years.  Crazy to think about.  Exciting to think about.  We can't wait to meet you baby!  Keep cooking!

16 weeks, 2 days - Uh... whoops

So... at 16 weeks of pregnancy, you're supposed to have gained as much as 5-7 lbs.  Less is preferable but that much is ok.  Me?  Yeah, I'm pretty well above that.  What the heck?  I'd like to ask how this happened, but I know exactly how it happened and it does explain why I've been feeling so fat and disgusting lately.  So I don't have a belly.  But I'm getting fat. Awesome.  Super awesome.  Ugh.  So much for my delicious desserts.  Really, I'd like to say that it's all a mistake, that it's inexplicable, that I can't understand how this happened.  But I've been eating.  I've been eating what I want to eat.  I don't eat until I'm crazy full; I only eat until I'm not hungry anymore but I have been eating a lot of dessert.  I'm just so sad.  But it's nice to know why I've been feeling so bad about myself.  Ugh.  With Henry, I struggled to gain weight.  This time through, not so much.  And the worst of it is that my mom was just here, cooking me all of my favorite foods and she froze them so that I can have them whenever I want.  Which now seems like it should be never.  <sigh> I did weigh myself after having a feast last night.  So maybe if I wait a few days, eat a bit more normally and make sure my system is cleared out when I weigh myself, it will be back within the acceptable range.  Cuz boy, I really don't want to have that talk with my doctor.  Blerg.

I do remember with Henry there was a week that I gained 5 lbs.  So maybe that's what this is?  I don't know.  That's probably wishful thinking.  If I don't gain anymore before my next dr. appointment, I'll be back within the recommended weight gain.  Blerg.  I can't believe I'm saying things like that.  "Back within the recommended weight gain?"  Seriously?  I've gained so much already that I'm already failing.  waaahhh...

16 weeks, 1 day - Nana to the rescue!

Well, Nana arrived late on Tuesday and is leaving this evening, but in the short amount of time she's been here, she's been able to rescue us from the chaos of our (seemingly) unending clutter.  She organized the boxes in the basement so that we can actually find things!  Things like a pregnancy pilates DVD and shoes!  And it helped jog my memory as to where the prenatal yoga DVD might be!  Huzzah and good tidings for Nanas!  Unfortunately, baby boy has been a bit crabby since she's been here, but she seems to still like him anyway.  Thank goodness.

And she makes me feel loved and beautiful, both of which I really kind of needed lately so that's lovely as well.  I do remember feeling sort of this way around this point with Henry.  Where I don't look pregnant but my waist is getting thick and I just don't feel very good about my body or myself in general.  Hopefully, it will go away soon.  Bring on the oxytocin!

Oh, and also, I've been feeling baby P move.  For about a week now.  For sure.  I'm still not confident as to whether or not what I was feeling before was baby or gas or muscle spasms or something else entirely, but I'm quite confident that I've been feeling this little one for about a week now.  Just a little flutter.  Nothing that someone would be able to feel from the outside and nothing that occurs regularly.  Just a few times a day. And it's lovely.  Hello, little baby!

15 weeks, 6 days - I don't think we'll find out

And by "find out," I mean the gender.  I don't know for sure.  Everyone's been asking us, well, they've been asking me.  I haven't talked to Matt about it at all.  I don't know if it's because I keep forgetting I'm pregnant or if it's because I hardly ever see Matt and I don't think of it when I do, but we haven't said a word about it to one another since... goodness.  Since before we had the first ultrasound, I think.  I'm leaning toward not finding out, but if he feels strongly about it, I could be persuaded.  I think.  I don't know.  I can't describe how much I loved hearing him say, "it's a boy!" during the delivery.  It's one of the most memorable sounds of my entire life.  I don't know if I like the idea of finding out ahead of time and spoiling that moment.  It won't be spoiled per se, but I just liked it.  I think I just re-talked myself into not finding out.  Sorry, Aunt Amy.

In other news, Nana is coming down to visit today!  Hooray!  I can't wait for her to see Henry boy and how big and silly he's gotten.  He's just so sweet and fun these days, I can't wait for her to experience it.  :D