As I was laying in bed last night, not feeling well but unable to put my finger on what was wrong, I remembered that it was the two year anniversary of both my dad's funeral and Angel Baby's due date. I don't remember when the miscarriage actually occurred, so I remember Angel Baby on the day she was due which, coincidentally was also the day of my dad's funeral. He passed away on the 16th but since the 20th coincided with another sad day, for some reason, I think of them both more on the 20th. And I knew that. But for some reason, I didn't put two and two together to realize that's likely why I was feeling so off. Not sick or anything, just not well. I bet it was sadness. That makes so much more sense.
Our close was pushed back to Tuesday, 1/28. I was talking to my mom yesterday about what kind of trees we'd plant in the yard. One of the very first things we'll do -- once the season and weather are right -- is plant a tree for my dad and my Angel Baby. I think that might give me the closure and peace I need to let them both go. I still get so very very sad when I think about them. I see so much of my dad in Henry and it makes me smile, but at the same time, it makes me so sad that they never got to meet or know each other. I think he'd really have liked my dear, sweet boy. If baby Posterity turns out to be a boy, we'll name him Frederick. And call him that, too. We've tossed lots of girl names around, but we haven't landed anywhere definitively yet. We have plenty of time. I still like Delilah, but I've cooled to her a bit. I have warmed to Genevieve and calling her either Viv or Eve. We didn't consider it before with Henry because I have a cousin Genny, but I also have two cousins named James, two uncles named James, a great uncle, a great grandfather, and I think, some second cousins by that name, so if they could all use the same name, why can't we? But again, we'll see. Plenty of time. Belly pic tomorrow.
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