My roommate from college, Elizabeth, visited this weekend. It was indescribably wonderful. Aside from how much I love and miss her, she's just so real and down to earth and knows so many people who have gone through so many things that, no matter what it is I'm thinking or feeling or worrying about or experiencing, she makes me feel like I'm not alone. She's just amazing. With my newest worry about weight gain and my little belly, she told me about her experiences with her third baby, Anna. Apparently, Anna had IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) and was induced as soon as she was full term. She was a teeny tiny 5lbs 4 oz and had some very early troubles, but she's growing and developing and is doing great. IUGR is, apparently, a syndrome where the the baby isn't growing and developing as big as expected on the inside and, frequently will do better on the outside. Anyway, aside from having a healthy baby, Edith was able to explain to me the types of things my doc may be thinking/looking for, what her experience with it was, and remind me that her baby was totally fine even though she had this problem that made her high risk. After all, she said, that's why we go to doctors so that we can be monitored and make sure any problems are taken care of. If everyone had perfect pregnancies and births, we wouldn't need to go to doctors at all. It's just so great to talk to her. Good point, Eedie. So, it's probably not IUGR with me, but even if it is, I have someone to talk to if I have any questions. And that's awfully nice.
Aside from that greatness, she helped me feel real and grounded again. I had been feeling very lost and wispy, like I didn't know who I was anymore. I moved to Atlanta for my family but left most of myself behind on the trek. There wasn't really anything for me down here and I've been feeling like I just... don't know who I am anymore. Everything I thought and liked and believed and stood for, just kind of got pushed to the side and I've been... I don't know. Just sad and lonely and feeling... not real. She brought me back. Just being with her reminded me of who I was and who I am, that I have friends who love me and just because they're not here, doesn't mean they're gone or that I'm lost and adrift in the world alone. Matt's family is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. I couldn't possibly wish for more wonderful in laws and they've never made me feel less than completely loved, respected, and welcome in their family. But in the end, they're Matt's people. And, while I have some great "Manda people" at work, they're all so far away that I don't see them outside of work. So I just haven't yet built a foundation for myself and that's why, I think, I felt like I was floating. There just hasn't been anything for me here; it's all been for Henry or Matt. Eedie, on the other hand, was just for me. She, of course, loved Henry and Matt but in the end, she's all mine. It was just so wonderful to be with her and around her. She reminded me of the person I am and who I used to be and of the things I love and the things I'm passionate about. That even though I may not have seen some of my loved ones in a few years, doesn't mean they've given me up or don't love me anymore. It doesn't mean that I'm all alone and adrift with nothing of my own to grasp on to. I can't stress enough how wonderful it was to have her here.
If you read this, Eedie, thank you so much. You mean more to me than I think you'll ever know and your visit just blew a burst of fresh air into a world that needed it. Your timing just couldn't have been better. Thank you. xoxo
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